Many of the parents we meet share that they struggle with getting their teen to talk.  They report that attempts at conversations are met with one or two-word answers.

Perhaps for you, it goes like this – your teen doesn’t talk to you unless he or she needs something. Even then the conversation is mostly one-sided, as if you the parent, were on a “need to know basis.”

You’ve probably heard that this was normal and your teen would grow out of it. Unfortunately, when we accept the status quo with those we love we tend to lose ground. Before we know it, we hardly know the teenager who once reached for our hand to cross the street.

Consider this mom’s story with her teenage boy:

“My son went from bedroom to school to kitchen to bedroom every night. I made dinner and he “wasn’t hungry.” Or, he had homework, which was usually true so how could I be upset about him not spending a few minutes with me?

One day I thought, what is important to him? I realized there were a few TV shows he never missed. So, the next time his show was on, armed with a bowl of buttery popcorn, I plopped myself in the chair next to him. During commercials, I asked him about the storyline and characters. I listened and he talked. Afterward, I commented about something I liked about the show. He seemed surprised.”

The truth is, a lot of parents of teens struggle with meaningful communication. However, we can learn to set up conversations with our teens so everybody wins. When we listen more than we talk it is entirely possible our teens will begin to see we are on their side and find us trustworthy to confide in.

You want to be one of your teen’s primary guides into adulthood! Build on your relationship with your teen now! Take initiative and meaningful conversations with your teens can continue into adulthood.

Consider these 4 easy steps to set up your conversations for success:  

• Ask open-ended questions and follow up with “tell me more”
• Go on a walk or car ride
• Prepare a meal or go to their favorite restaurant
• Find something that interests your teen and join them

Here at Integrity Counseling, we work with parents to become better at focusing on quality conversations. It’s completely possible for you to improve communication with your teen and watch your relationship grow.

Your attempt at quality conversations with your teen may not happen overnight. It will take time to practice listening more than talking and asking your teen to “tell you more.” But with guidance from our counselors and making time for meaningful conversations, you will find that communication increases resulting in a more satisfying relationship with your teen.

Or, call 360-356-8756, extension 1 to schedule a session today

Kindness in marriage sometimes feels like a tug a war – if you’re kind to me, I’ll be kind to you. Sound familiar?

The not-so-big news regarding this stance is, no one wins.

We all know marriage is hard work. Do you remember the sting of a careless word when a kind word could have softened the bad news? Or the site of men leaving Costco with long stemmed roses and the skip in your heart is a reminder your Valentine will forget again.

The downside to the lack of kindness in a marriage adds up and it may seem you’ll never get back to the love you once knew. Conversations about the weather and what’s needed at the grocery store leave you feeling like roommates. Not only does living without kindness erode love in a marriage but it’s easy to lose sight of the role we play in it.

Would you like to feel noticed? Appreciated? Cared for?

Responding with kind words and actions can build trust. It can also symbolize your commitment to your spouse and your marriage. Trust and commitment are the foundation of a solid marriage where two people are emotionally connected and want what’s best for each other.

Perhaps kindness has always been second nature for you but over the years your effort wasn’t reciprocated. The kindness well has run dry and you feel like you have nothing left to give. It’s normal to struggle when feeling you are always the giver.

However, we can take simple steps towards kindness and be the change we would like to see in our relationships. Taking ownership allows us to become an active participant instead of letting things just happen.

Here are a few steps that can cultivate kindness in your marriage:

Kindness puts the other person’s needs first. Agree in your mind to be kind, your heart will follow.

Kindness makes the first move. Unlike the selfish tug-a-war, kindness doesn’t wait for someone else to go first but intentionally chooses moments to be kind.

Leave a note, send a text or do a chore that you wouldn’t normally do. Think about what would make your spouse’s heart smile and do that.

Kindness comforts. Kind words and actions assure your spouse you are on the same side, that no matter what problems you have you’re in this together.

Plan ahead for tense conversations, you know they’ll happen. Take a breath and respond with kindness.

Your actions or words of kindness may not be reciprocated. You may not notice anything different in the moment. Until one day, you catch your spouse being kind and the hard places in your life soften. And being kind becomes something you do without thinking. Life takes on a new perspective and you see a change in you.

If you are looking for a couples counselor in Vancouver, WA, consider working with one of our experienced marriage therapists.

Our marriage counselors effectively use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to increase a couple’s emotional connection. This effective therapy is based on 25 years of research. We’ve helped hundreds of couples at Integrity Counseling and would like to make a difference in your relationship.

Make a counseling appointment today and watch your love grow!